What do I say?

This Sunday, we will celebrate the annual Flower Service, a beloved tradition which combines beauty, hope and diversity. It is a wonderful celebration of life and the goodness we all bring and share together.

This service was first created by Czechoslovakian Unitarian minister, Norbert Capek.  During the service this year, we will learn more about Capek's life, including information that he was arrested, imprisoned and killed by Nazi's during World War II.  While we will not go into detail about Nazi German practices, there may be questions that come up for children after thinking about Capek's story.

I thought parents might appreciate some tips on talking to children about the Holocaust, and other challenging topics. Most educators suggest that children are not able to understand the historical context of the Holocaust until they reach adolescence. This doesn't mean that younger children wont have questions.  How often are we surprised by questions from the back seat of the car? I think it's a good idea to prepare some responses ahead of time. The excerpt below, written by Rabbi Sarah Reines, has good strategies of ways to give accurate yet sensitive replies in a developmentally appropriate way to this and many other topics. link to full article

"We cannot hide children from the harsh realities of life. They live with dangers beyond our control, but with consistency, concern and nourishing love we can help them feel safe and secure, even in an unpredictable world. I suggest this as an underlying principle to guide us in helping our children face some of life's darkest truths, including the Holocaust. Here are some other suggestions about how to manage this issue:

Have faith in children's resiliency

Most educators agree that the Holocaust should not be formally taught until middle school. However, many children are introduced to it at young ages through societal reference, like a mention of Hitler, or personal circumstance, such as tattooed numbers on an elderly neighbor's arm. This exposure is not dangerous or damaging. Shrouding difficult topics in secrecy may engender fear, while gently addressing them often helps maintain a sense of perspective. Little ones quickly learn to recognize good and evil. However, they focus most on their immediate and personal reality.

Start slowly

As with most challenging subjects, it is best to respond to children's inquiries with brevity. Follow your children's lead. They will direct you as to how much information they are prepared to receive.

Respond and reassure

Children's linguistic limitations may prevent them from clearly articulating their thoughts. For example, if they ask, "Why did the Holocaust happen?" they probably are not curious about history, but could be wondering "Can the Holocaust happen here?" A short, honest and comforting answer could be, "The Holocaust happened a long time ago where people were allowed to be mean to other people. That was different from where we live, because we have rules and people, like police officers and judges, who protect us and keep us safe."

Teach tolerance

Holocaust education is not academic; it has practical implications. Part of teaching about the Holocaust is raising children to respect other people and to expect that other people respect them. Little ones soak up what we say and do; commenting on people who we consider different conveys a dangerous message, while acceptance models behavior that helps foster understanding.

Follow your parental instincts

Each child is unique in temperament, sensitivity, and maturity. No one knows your child better than you do. Do not hesitate to reach out to others for advice, but remember that you are the ultimate guide regarding how and when you choose to share difficult information.

Our children did not inherit a world free from danger or fear. But we can use the lessons of the past to help them create a world that is safer, kinder, and more loving. Our sages remind us that when we teach our children we teach more than just those children--we teach our children, our children's children and so on until the last generation. By tenderly educating our daughters and sons, we help ensure the well-being of all our descendents."